I love making lists. Short lists, long lists, red lists, blue lists. But in all the years I have been writing for Destructoid, I have never made a list of my ten favorite videogame robots.For a site with a robot as a mascot.
But don’t panic! I am here to remedy this dire situation with a list of the ten best videogame robots EVER!
It’s funny because I am typing like a robot!
I was terrified of Arnoid the Annihilator when I first playedSpace Quest IIIback in the day. In the game,Terminator-inspired robot Arnoid (get it? Arnoid?) stalks main character Roger Wilco to collect payment for a “free” Labion Terror Beast Mating Whistle he picked up back inSpace Quest II.
The way Arnoid continuously stalks Roger as he runs from him on planet Phleebhut is the stuff of gaming nightmares. The experience is very similar to that of the nail-bitingPhanto chasesinSuper Mario Bros. 2, but with much more metallic testosterone.
Honestly, Arnoid may have just made this list in fear of his visiting me in my sleep if hedidn’tmake the final cut.
Who doesn’t love R.O.B.? The Robotic Operating Buddy is so adorable and a welcome addition to any ’80s child with a brand new Nintendo Entertainment System. I mean, he iscompletelyuseful and wouldneverend up taking up space in the back of closets everywhere.
Oh, who am I kidding? R.O.B. is ridiculous. He may be super cute in thatWALL-Ekind of way, but he is one of the strangest, most ignored peripherals in the history of videogames.
But Ilovefighting with him inSuper Smash Bros. Brawl!Love it!He had to make the list for that reason alone.
All the superMass Effectfans out there may tell me that Legion is nottechnicallya robot. He is a geth, which is a form of synthetic intelligence, but the complicated and remarkably deep history of theMass Effectuniverse may not exactly define him as a robot. Fair enough.
But to me, he is made of metal, has a light for a face, and speaks with a digitized voice. As a guy who grew up watchingShort Circuitand Screech’s robot Kevin fromSaved by the Bell, Legion sounds like a robot to me!
–SPOILER INCOMING!—
Regardless of what he is, if you made certain decisions throughoutMass Effect 2and3, Legion eventually sacrifices himself to save the lives of his supposed enemies the quarians. It is a surprisingly emotional scene and one of my favorites in the entireMass Effectseries.
I have always wanted a pet robot, but not one of the scary kinds that will eventually grow smart enough to kill me. More of the variety that will bring me a bag of Combos when I really want one and switch the input on my television from “Wii” to “Xbox 360” when I am too lazy to walk over and grab the remote.*
And Chibi-Robo fits the bill perfectly. He is cute and unintimidating and was actually created to help with chores!
*#firstworldproblems
Before anyone cries foul over pinball not being a videogame, please seeExhibit A. For me, though, anything found in an arcade can be categorized under the broad “videogame” umbrella. Yup, even skee ball.
(Okay, fine, I just want to justify my idea for an amazing skee ball article I have in the works …)
Using this irrational bit of reasoning, nothing can top the awesomeness of PinBot, the greatest pinball-themed robot of all time. Sporting a sleek, super ’80s helmet, PinBot has no problem yelling at you when you are doing poorly and then rewarding you with multiball when you are doing well.
And if you ask me, there isno greater rewardthan multiball. Not even dolphin hugs! Okay, maybe it issecondonly to dolphin hugs.
I have a confession: I have never playedBorderlands. I know, I know. I am so sorry! But it has nothing to do with my lack of interest. I will get to it …eventually. I just was unbelievably busy when the game was released, and it inexplicably fell to the bottom of my “Games to Play list.
Despite how terrible I am for having never played the game (YET!), I still know the greatness of the Claptraps. Equal parts hysterical and helpful, the Claptraps are some of the best robotic creations in the last decade … or so I have heard from pretty much everyone who has ever playedBorderlands.
One thing Idoknow? They help peoplepropose to their real-life significant others, which is just plainawesome.
When I first encountered Alyx Vance’s robot pet DØG inHalf-Life 2, I instantly fell in love. Not only is DØG friendly and unbelievably loyal (just like a real dog!), he (she?) saves main character Gordon Freeman’s life more times than I can count. (See above pic for one of the best, most badass examples of this.)
By the time the heartbreaking last scene ofHalf-Life 2: Episode 2rolled around, I was already filling out imaginary adoption papers so I could take DØG home and play inert Combine Rollermine fetch with him.
As irrational and ridiculous as that sounds, I am not ashamed. I love that robotic pup.
What is a list of greatest videogame robots without arguably the most popular videogame robot of all time? Mega Man!
Whether he is dramatically standing on the top of a tall building orjumping through boss doors, Mega Man will always be known as one of the greatest man-made creations ever. Sure, theGreat Pyramid of Gizais considered one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World … but does this so-called “great” pyramid have an arm cannon or cool robotic dog companion?
Oh, itdoesn’thave an arm cannon or cool robotic dog companion? Dr. Light, 1; ancient Egyptians, 0.
Clank is the best backpack of all time!
Sure, calling him a “backpack” might be unfair, but that’s what makes Clank so great — he wouldn’t even care if youdidcall him a “backpack.” He is so sweet and funny and nice that all the loyal robot sidekick cares about is helping his good buddy Ratchet.
Clank isn’t just the most likablerobotin the universe; he is one of the most likable videogame characters of all time!
There is a scene in the Super Nintendo masterpieceChrono Triggerwhere Robo, a friendly robot and newly added member of your party, is helping Crono and friends escape from a futuristic factory.
Before exiting, Robo meets up with a group of his “friends,” fellow robots who were created in the same factory as him. Instead of embracing him, the robots see Robo as an enemy and beat him within an inch of his mechanical life.
The scene is brutal, heartbreaking, and one of the most emotionally powerful scenes I have ever witnessed in a videogame. After viewing it, I knew it would be a moment I would never forget.
All these years later, I still feel a connection to Robo. He is and always will be my favorite videogame robot of all time.
And now for a list of runners-up! These robots are pretty darn great, but just missed out on the final cut:
Atlas and P-Body(Portal 2)Barnabas(Final Fantasy IV)B.O.B.(B.O.B.)Bomberman(Bomberman)Cait Sith(Final Fantasy VII)Gizmoduck(DuckTales)GLaDOS(Portal)Glitch(Metal Arms: Glitch in the System)HK-47(Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic)Josef(Machinarium)Metal Gear(Metal Gear)Sasuke(Ganbare Goemon)
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What do you think? Do you agree with this list? There area lotof awesome robots in videogames, but which ones areyourfavorites? And really, are any of these robots even close to as cool as Mr. Destructoid?
